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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28402413">can i be him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryscout/pseuds/starryscout'>starryscout</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Emotionally Hurt Tsukishima Kei, Hurt No Comfort, Karma's a bitch, M/M, Weddings, tsukki hurt yams, we love to see it, yams unintentionally emotionally hurts tsukki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:21:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28402413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryscout/pseuds/starryscout</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi was to be wed. Just not to him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>can i be him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tsukishima's eyes glazed over the majestic venue. It truly was as beautiful as portrayed in the invitation. </p><p>A chandelier hung from the ceiling, amazing food spread on long tables as people plucked and ate the finger food, ball music playing on the speakers. It looked like a Disney castle, honestly. There were even the spiral stairs and everything. Everything was perfect. </p><p>Kind of. </p><p>Sure, the venue was eye - catching, but something - someone - else would always catch his eye over everything. </p><p>Yamaguchi Tadashi. Wow. He looked as beautiful as ever. He wore a white tux, his hair longer now and tied up in a manbun. He had a gorgeous smile on his face that seemed significantly brighter than the large chandelier. His freckles scattered across his slightly tan face outshone the dark night sky outside. </p><p>Yamaguchi Tadashi looked just perfect. </p><p>"Oi, Tsukki." </p><p>Tsukishima felt an arm bump into his own lightly. He turned his head and found Kuroo Tetsurou dressed in a simple black tux that matched his own - his boyfriend and date for Terushima and Yamaguchi's wedding. </p><p>Yes. Terushima Yuuji. And Yamaguchi Tadashi. Were to be officially wed in a few hours. His heart clenched in his chest at the thought. He brushed it off. </p><p>"Tetsu," Tsukishima smiled slightly at him. His boyfriend stretched an arm out. </p><p>"Let's find a table?" </p><p>Tsukishima nodded and linked his arms with Kuroo's. The two walked through the crowd of people chattering and laughing. He drowned them out but smiled and waved at those who greeted him. Finally, they had found two vacant seats. Tsukishima sat as Kuroo remained standing before saying, "I'll get us a drink." </p><p>The blonde nodded and started to play with the cloth covering the table. </p><p>"Hey," Kuroo began. "Why don't you try, you know, catching up with Yamaguchi? You haven't been in touch in what, five? Six years?" </p><p>"Five years," he agreed. He sighed, contemplating whether he should or not. "I'll think about it." </p><p>Kuroo smiled. "Okay," he said and left for the drinks section of the table. </p><p>Tsukishima began fiddling with his fingers, weighing out the pros and cons of finally being able to speak with his childhood best friend after their fallout five years ago. </p><p>
  <em>"Let's never see each other again." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"...What?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are you deaf? I said let's never see each other again." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"...But why?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know why." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No. No I don't, Tsukki, fucking tell me why- why you no longer want to see me after everything I've done for you. Everything I've sacrificed for you. I offered you nothing but friendship and dedication!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well maybe what you offered was too much. You're too... present in my life." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That doesn't make sense." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Want me to simplify it?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Go ahead." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're clingy as fuck. You never give me space. That 'Tsukki' thing of yours is annoying. So let's never meet again so you can stay the hell away from me. I've... found a new friend. New friends. Ones who won't cling onto me as much."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Who?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Tetsurou. Bokuto. Akaashi." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"From those schools at training camp?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"..." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are you not gonna say anything?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay. Let's end this friendship here, then. Tsukishima." </em>
</p><p><em>"Goodbye, Yamaguchi."</em> </p><p>Tsukishima sighed and buried his head in his hands as he recalled the event. They ended on slightly bad terms. Would it even be worth it? But then again, Yamaguchi <em>had</em> invited him to the wedding. As his best man. </p><p>He was bound to talk to Yamaguchi sooner or later. He might as well. </p><p>And before he knew it, he had gotten up and searched for Yamaguchi.</p>
<hr/><p>"Yama, you'll be fine!" </p><p>"I agree with Hitoka. You look beautiful. Everything will be fine, Yamaguchi." </p><p>Tsukishima could hear two women conversating with Yamaguchi behind the door. He recognized those voices. </p><p>Hitoka Yachi and Kiyoko Shimizu. </p><p>He heard a sharp inhale of breath from inside the room and a faint, "Thanks, guys." </p><p>He continued to listen in quietly before jumping in shock when the door suddenly burst open and he came face - to - face with Kiyoko. </p><p>"Ah," she simply said. "Yamaguchi!" She called for him over her shoulder. </p><p>"Yeah?" </p><p>Tsukishima could see Yachi fixing his suit over Kiyoko's head. </p><p>"Your best man is here." </p><p>She nodded in greeting at the blonde before walking away, calling Yachi to come along. Yachi bowed at Tsukishima, him bowing in return, and ran off to follow Kiyoko. She looked absolutely smitten as she had been all those years ago. </p><p>Only this time, she had enough courage to grasp Kiyoko's hand. Huh. They must've gotten together. </p><p>He walked in and stared at Yamaguchi, fixing his suit in the mirror as Yachi had done. He cleared his throat. </p><p>"Yamaguchi." </p><p>"Yeah, just a minute, Tsukishima." </p><p><em>Tsukishima.</em> </p><p>He sat on a stool and waited. After a minute, Yamaguchi whirled around and smiled brightly at him. <em>What a pretty smile.</em> </p><p>"So? Do I look good?" </p><p><em>Better than good. Beautiful. Extraordinary. You're more beautiful than the definition of the word itself.</em> </p><p>"Yes. You look... great, Yamaguchi." </p><p>His smile widened at that. "Thank you." </p><p>And just like when they were kids, when they were teens, when they were friends, Yamaguchi began to ramble on and on about his nervousness, the wedding, Terushima. </p><p>And all Tsukishima could do was listen. He always did. Because he loved the pure joy in Yamaguchi's voice. He loved his voice. But not what he was talking about. </p><p>"Terushima is so cool!" </p><p><em>You used to call me cool.</em> </p><p>"He's so nice to me! And he treats me to soggy fries! I always feel a bit guilty about him spending for me, though." </p><p><em>I used to treat you to soggy fries. And don't feel bad. Please. I'd spend all the money I have, all the money in the world, just for you. You're worth it.</em> </p><p>"I just... Tsukki, I love him so much, I-" </p><p>"I love you." </p><p>Tsukishima's eyes widened at the slip - up. Yamaguchi's movements halted. Oh no. </p><p>"What...?" </p><p>Before he could even think to stop the words flowing out his mouth, he had already said, "I love you" once more. </p><p>Yamaguchi had a smile on his face but Tsukishima was sure it was to hide the anger and hurt that was so clearly visible in his eyes and clenched fists. He slowly shook his head from side to side, an empty chuckle escaping his lips as he stood up and paced around the room. </p><p>"No, no, no, no-" </p><p>"Yamaguchi-" </p><p>"NO!" </p><p>Tsukishima's mouth snapped shut, suprised at the sudden outburst. Yamaguchi hasn't shouted like that at him since the training camp. </p><p>"No. Tsukishima Kei, I-" </p><p>Yamaguchi's eyes brimmed with tears and Tsukishima wanted nothing more than to hug him and wipe those tears away, but he remained seated. </p><p>He pointed a finger accusingly at the blonde. "I will not have this. You- you were the one who pushed me away! You proposed the idea of us never meeting again! And you just-" </p><p>"Look, Yama-" </p><p>"Shut up," he snapped. And he let the tears finally fall. "You... don't get to have a say in this." </p><p>Tsukishima could see Yamaguchi trembling. With anger or with sadness, he didn't know. </p><p>"I... I loved you, too, you know." </p><p>Tsukishima's eyes widened. He didn't know. He never knew. </p><p>"But... I don't anymore." </p><p>Yamaguchi had tears streaming violently down his face. "I love Yuuji." </p><p>Tsukishima's heart tightened painfully. </p><p>"And you... you love Kuroo." </p><p><em>No. No, I don't.</em> </p><p>"You do," Yamaguchi laughed. "At least, he loves you. It'd be unfair to him, don't you think?" </p><p>The blonde's eyes held tears, threatening to fall any second now. </p><p>"I love you, Kei." </p><p><em>Kei.</em> </p><p>"But not in the way you love me. I'm past that stage now." </p><p>Tsukishima couldn't say anything anymore. </p><p>"I've moved on. And it's time you should too." </p><p>And that was when Tsukishima's tears began falling down. He didn't want to. He didn't want to move on. He stood up abruptly and stalked towards Yamaguchi. </p><p>"Tsuk-" </p><p>He pulled Yamaguchi in a hug, repeatedly whispering "I love you" in his ear, sobbing, before Yamaguchi pushed him away with all his might. </p><p>"Tsukki, please! Don't- don't make this harder for me than it already is." </p><p>"You called me Tsukki..." </p><p>Yamaguchi laughed. "It's just a nickname-" </p><p>"BUT IT'S MY NICKNAME! IT'S THE NICKNAME ONLY YOU CAN USE! BECAUSE YOU'RE SPECIAL!" </p><p>Tsukishima's throat hurt but he wanted to scream more. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs in anger, fear, sadness, love. </p><p>"Get out." </p><p>"...What?" </p><p>"GET OUT! Fix yourself up, the best man can't be looking like shit," he snapped, turning away to walk off to the bathroom available in the room. </p><p>Tsukishima watched as Yamaguchi shut the bathroom door, his heart aching and his tears still streaming down. He sucked in a breath and finally left. </p><p>He closed the door behind him. He sighed, slowly sliding down the door. He hid his head in hands, the heels of his palm digging into his eyes hard enough to make him see spots. </p><p>He's fucked up a lot in his lifetime, but this has got to be the worst mistake yet.</p>
<hr/><p>"You may now kiss the groom." </p><p>Everyone erupted into cheers as the two shared a loving kiss at the altar. When they parted, Terushima hugged Yamaguchi with all his might. </p><p>Just like he had a few hours ago. But when Terushima did it, Yamaguchi didn't push him away like he had done with the blonde; in fact, he accepted it, even leaning into his touch. </p><p>Terushima laughed at his friends who were cheering and jumping around in celebration. </p><p>It seems Tsukishima's eyes just naturally drifted to the freckled man. Yamaguchi had his arms wrapped around Terushima, laughing and smiling brighter than Tsukishima has ever seen him. </p><p>And when Yamaguchi dove in for another kiss that Terushima gladly accepted, Tsukishima finally turned away, making up some excuse to his boyfriend before running off. Probably to the bathroom. He didn't know yet. He just ran to wherever his feet would take him. </p><p>Yamaguchi's happiness was his own. </p><p>He just had to make himself believe that enough for it to hurt less.</p>
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